Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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