My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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