But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
40s are totally the cure
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
