Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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