So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize