i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
