She's JV to your varsity
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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