I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize