You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
