He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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