dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Vodka?
Forever.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
