Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
