Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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