If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
