I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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