and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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