All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
