I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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