some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
His nipple licking is glorious
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