Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
