i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
