Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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