You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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