i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
