Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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