I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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