chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
