i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
