everyone is single if you try hard enough
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
