Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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