Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
