Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
being pregnant is like rehab
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
