Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
