Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
