Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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