One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
