I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
