I just pynch a tree in the face
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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