I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's rum buckets o'clock
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
