then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
