She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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