Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
