The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You have to summon your inner elephant
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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