Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
as a side note pls kill me
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
