I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
