you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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