ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
