My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
