What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
