She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
