I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The power of my boobs compel you
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
