6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
