hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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