i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
