I must be too annoying 4 u.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
