the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
