So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
