so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
