I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
