I can tuck mytits in my pants
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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