you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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