Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
