You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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