Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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