We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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