So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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