What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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