i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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