I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize