I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
