I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I need to sanitize my soul.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
