I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize