Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
