went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
