My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
