The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
