I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
