I forgot how hot balto sounded
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
