he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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