no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
